Special k

Special k.

It’s been a long long winters day

I’ve been a long long way away

Driving but not arriving home

Always passing others days

Others weeks and others ways

I am the stranger  in the rain

Passenger on the train

Standing by the doors 

shadow in others hours

Distain of the middle class

background artist to others lives.

They glance and look away and

at a road side café 

between 

Coffee cups and sausage rolls

Half Empty plates and wasted trays

I’m the passer by in their eyes

I am memory grey 

the shadow in their story

gods own people

The perfect people

Narrating my own narrative 

never really here. Never really me

Never really coming home

witnessing them witness me

But standing apart 

alone

Blitz mood

Shadows are coming 

rumbling under clouds

Like insidious blitz artillery 

Aimed 

 at my invidious existence 

When the grief flows thick 

and razor under my skin

And I brooding

Bleed Bloody and thunder thoughts

Brewing foul teas and potions.

Looking at others happiness 

And deeply grieve 

Stewing resentment at

my loses

The big guns of envy blast

A half beating beaten heart

I Have wounded me with

Myself

The wreck of my attachment  

I must be my own surgeon 

And counsellor and priest and lover.

I Elder me myself 

I am from the  gutter

I will not surrender 

but 

Rage at the alter of a long dead god.

Rebirthed in every second 

In my breath and tears 

Every shudder and shiver 

In utter defiance 

It is in every syllable 

I utter and the silence I mother.

Mother

Shadows coming 

rumbling under clouds

Like insidious blitz artillery 

Aimed 

 at my invidious existence 

When the grief flows thick 

and razor under my skin

And I brooding

Bleed Bloody and thunder thoughts

Brewing foul teas and potions.

Looking at others happiness 

And deeply grieve 

Stewing resentment at

my loses

The big guns of envy blast

A half beating beaten heart

I Have wounded me with

Myself

The wreck of my attachment  

I must be my own surgeon 

And counsellor and priest and lover.

I Elder me myself 

I am from the  gutter

I will not surrender 

but 

Rage at the alter of a long dead god.

Rebirthed in every second 

In my breath and tears 

Every shudder and shiver 

In utter defiance 

It is in every syllable 

I utter and the silence I mother.

Love song

I cannot tell my tongue 

to tell you

How you are all 

my meaning

my sounding depth  

in a shallow world 

of shallow things

you are all and everything 

I try to articulate 

what you mean to me 

but instead gesticulate the geometry

of the space you occupy 

in my heart

chalice of my thoughts

Here the connection we share

Is rare raw and conscious 

Like a jewel

from some Kipling East.

Jungle glowing. And

The world Disrobes us

to the skin

To be close as close can be

We feel the surface of the seeming

Dreaming world ever closer

explore the inner fleeting

At the depth of being

Where time slips away day to day

Evening by evening

Breath by breath 

Hour by hour 

Each kiss closer to forever.

Sail

Time is my Ocean

In my mind I sail 

the salt horizon 

I am a ship of wishful

Thinking.

Distant Clouds drift

On floating Sea 

Ethereal shades of blue

Sinking 

Lift the 

Shimmering light

Layer on layer of shattered

Sparkling flicker washed

In a dream

Of you and 

I at the helm call

as you pass

Out of sight

Out of reach

Opaque beauty  

Of breaking wave

Foam flung high

To splash the deck.

You are as a song lost

In rig and canvas

A tune I heard once

Sung to me enraptured 

A fading connection 

My boat a speck far out

A lone gull tracking

A wilderness of memories 

WH

Modern War is so passé, so virtual

 A mobile phone is videoing a man

 The digital is not the actual

A binary weapon  kills as kills can

A coat is crawling into a drain

A block of flats falls, people run

A child’s coffin pushed on a train

A drone hunting some mothers son

what has this world become?

The psychotic ape has won

Another reality has sprung

Where Nobody fires the gun

 The map is not the Terrain 

As they scream 

In real pain

Yemen, Sierra, Ukraine.

Stage

Don’t make  me leave my garden 

Don’t take me back to town

Don’t tell me of the  perfect

Gods own -

Living the dream

Party people

Up there on the stage

Let me rage!

My life may have been

drifting 

one foot at a time lifting,

Looking for a mother

 in every woman’s eyes.

Believing my own lies.

But I broke my class 

broke my chains 

Burst my jacket 

Bust my balls

Made a sacred stage 

Out of an iron cage.

Ex catholic ex chaos

 I believe as I see 

death cult priests

For whom I don’t exist.

 Yet for every sin of me

Some small part is free

I run spirit native

I was born 

Liberated

I have always felt so free

Of mind if not in body.

My world the stage 

holds no fear for me 

my imagined paradise

Mothered me

Leave me in my garden of illusion 

Don’t make me go away

I’ll fuck me up in my own way.